Status Update

So I know some of you out there check this site pretty regularly, and it's for you that I am publishing this one. I ultimately have nothing of interest to say, but I have been pretty busy recently. I found a group of people who play ultimate frisbee so that's been kicking ass, and the weather is getting nicer so I plan on doing a lot more outdoor activities with some co - worker friends of mine. Also the baseball season is about to start up, which promises mediocre baseball action mixed with office hotties; overall, I'm excited. Actually, the weather isn't so nice yet - it snowed a very little bit yesterday - but generally speaking spring is in the air.

Getting back to those outdoor activities. I'm going to the DMZ next weekend (at a time of singularly heightened tensions between the Koreas) and I'm really stoked about it. It promises to be fraught with danger, full of intrigue, and educational all at the same time. Actually, it probably won't be dangerous at all... or intriguing... maybe a little. Also lined up to go to a Snow Crab Festival / nature trek in the near future, so that should be pretty bitchin as well. And in all likelihood, I'll be going to a thing called "Mudfest" soon, during which the main activity seems to be covering oneself in mud and enjoying it. Ohhh the life. And a trip to the beach at Pusan and another trip to Beijing are all in the makings as well. I havn't saved any money so far :)

But I'm having a good time, and that's what counts. Keep ya posted.

25 Things About Buddha

In light of the recent facebook phenomenon, "25 of the most asinine things I can think of about myself right now," and inspired by my recent trip to kick-ass Bongeunsa Buddhist Temple, I have decided to compile a list of 25 fun facts about Buddha (in no particular order).

1. Buddha is approximately 70 feet tall. Despite his best efforts, he frequently crushes whole herds of cows when he walks.

2. Buddha graduated from UMD CP the same year as Jim Henson. One of them inspired the other one, but I can't be sure how it went down.

3. It is said that even Buddha gets angry if you offend him three times. Actually, he gets pissed after the first time, he just has excellent self control.

4. Buddha has no problems with people making images in his likeness. Though he would like to point out that he has never been as fat as some people depict him.

5. Elephant is Buddha's only means of conveyance (other than walking).

6. Buddha's hobbies include meditating, gardening, and stacking rocks.

7. Buddha is often accompanied by an entourage of lions and dragons. He is also fond of songbirds and most sea creatures.

8. Buddha once drank Jesus under the table in what has been described by eye-witnesses as "The bitchinest party of pre-history." The result, as we all know, is the story of Noah's Ark.

9. Nobody has ever killed anyone in Buddha's name.

10. Buddha can't help but break into song and dance whenever he hears the word 'nobody.' He loves the Wonder Girls. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRBagIPwU8g

11. Buddha excels at soccer, rugby, and cricket, but his real talent lies in badminton. He won gold medals in the first Olympic games in Greece in both the individual and doubles events, where he was partnered with Sweden's legendary Björn Jørgensen.

12. Buddha is a bona-fide member of the Wu-Tang clan and has been featured on several of their albums.

13. Buddha doesn't need natural male enhancement products. But he uses them anyway.

14. Buddha tried marijuana once when he discovered that if you re-arranged the letters in his name, you can spell "had bud." He claims it didn't work.

15. During World War II, Buddha served with distinction as a medic in the Pacific theater, one time rescuing 147 Marines from a locked latrine.

16. Buddha can transmogrify into anything he wants, without even using a cardboard box.

17. Buddha once defeated Deep Blue in a chess match. He then proceeded to best a whole class of first graders in checkers.

18. 'Stop, drop, and roll' was Buddha's idea.

19. Elvis Presley played at Buddha's Bar Mitzvah.

20. "Evil Dead 2" is Buddha's favorite movie.

21. One time Buddha broke his arm in a nasty ski accident. He still hates snow to this day.

22. Buddha is prepared for a zombie invasion.

23. Buddha can complete all four stages of the 'Ninja Warrior' course in under 5 minutes.

24. Buddha is an atheist.

25. Everyone who knows Buddha thinks he is a real stand up guy.

Black History Month Comes to Korea

It's my favorite time of year! The time when schools inexplicably halt normal lessons in order to give a brief recap of slavery as if it were a completely isolated event.

"Hey, let's cram as much history about black people into this month as possible so that we can forget about them for the rest of the year."
~The Man.

So in order to celebrate the black man and bring his culture to Korea, my friend and esteemed co-worker Andrew and I have decided to do as much steroetypically 'black' stuff as possible. This will include starting each day with a healthy dose of 'purple drank,' most likely a grape soda. A weekly to bi-weekly consumption of fried chicken and (the closest thing we can find to 40's) 1.5 liter beers will be the main event of our celebration, capped off with Andrew's decision to switch to Marlboro Menthols from Lights. Furthermore, to ensure the authenticity of our celebration, we plan on hoodwinking our P.C. co-worker Nick into joining us at least once, in order to be the 'appalled white guy.' I think we have all our bases covered, but any suggestions would be helpful.

"And now for something completely different."
~Monty Python

So as some of you may know, the lunar new year just passed. We had a 4 day weekend and boy have I been busy. I went exploring / shopping for three of those days to places called Osan, Dongdaemun, and Insadong. Osan was a trash heap; it was basically a town built around the Army base there, so everything was Americanized. It didn't help that the place was covered in dirty snow. Points of interest; Andrew bought a guitar, and a prostitute tried to pick us up. I laughed and laughed.

Dongdaemun has like 6 huge department stores that all sell the same things and have really aggressive shop owners who won't let you walk by without hassling you and then knocking off 20,000 won for anything you show interest in. It's a cool place, many of you will recieve gifts from there. But only I will be getting the best part - corndogs with french fries battered and fried right onto the stick. Mmmmm mmm. Actually, they're kinda gross, but I had to try it.
And in Insadong, which I have mentioned before, I got to have batting practice in the snow! There is an outdoor batting cage, and pretty much as soon as I stepped up to the plate the snow really started coming down. It was awesome. I may have a picture somewhere, I'll put it on facebook.

I guess that's about it. Winter intensives are almost over so hopefully my schedule will get a bit easier.

"Hey... Wanna go?"
~Osan prostitute

가위 바위 보 (kawi, bawi, bo)

Well I had this great post up, and it was gonna be called "When Rock, Paper, Scissors Rules the World," but I tried to type something in Korean at the end and the fucking computer erased everything instead and then saved immediately.

Grrrr... So lemme go ahead and recap my first post. Kawi, bawi, bo (usually pronounced fast to sound something like 'cally, bally, bow') is the Korean rock, scissors, paper (in that order). My students play it all the time, but its not so much playing as it is settling minor classroom disputes. They do it for everything. Who goes first, lining up, ect...

Also, I watched an older gentleman and a teenage boy play in Japan to decide who would break in a game of pool. And, I recently used it to pick teams for a soccer game. So its rampant here in Asia; I'm betting that ajumans and adoshis (ah-jew-mahns = old women, ah-doe-shis = old men) play as well. It's probably how they decide how to pass laws in Congress too. In fact, I think Lee Myung Bak (Korea's President) should challenge Kim Jong Il to a match for dominance of the peninsula, end this war once and for all. Lee would definately win; that's how he became President in the first place.

So a bit about me. I have been extremely busy: going into Seoul and meeting new people and finding new bars, playing soccer, going out clubbing in Bundang, and working extra hard this month due to 'Intesive' classes. (We have more students during the Winter break) So I've been keeping busy and having a really good time. I have plans to do a lot more when the weather gets nicer, including getting season tickets for local soccer and baseball teams and taking trips to volcanic Jeju Island and the DMZ.

또 뵙겠슴니다 (Do bekesumnida; d/t oe-beck-a-soom-ni-da) See you later!

Seuol Ballin!

Yeah! I'm lookin' all fresh and shiny and dipped in butter holding my million Won. That's right, a million bucks. And the best part of this picture... I'm not wearing any pants. Admittedly, most of this money is going to Uncle Mike for fronting my plane ticket... but still, don't I look clean?

Anyway, I just passed a really busy weekend, the pictures from which you can find on facebook. On Saturday I spent the morning and early afternoon at the Christmas play put on by the Kindergartners of my school. At first I was kinda upset cause I had to get up at like 8 a.m. on a Saturday, but they were absolutely adorable and the songs and dances were hilarious to watch, so I lightened up pretty quickly. When I wasn't sneaking off to take pictures and watch the show, I was escorting the boys to the bathrooms (that sounds kinda perverted, but I assure you it was only to make sure they didn't run away or screw around), or I was helping to dress and undress the kids (that sounds really perverted, but again I assure you it was all innocent, just costume changes, though it still made me kind of uncomfortable). After that I went home and took a quick nap before heading into Seoul to meet up with some co-workers and go check out an art museum.

It was the National Museum of Korea, and I wanted to go because they just put up a new exhibit with ancient Korean art and sculptures. But the place was enormous and we went into the wrong entrance and just ended up exploring the regular exhibits, which was still pretty awesome. I took some pictures, but the settings weren't great, and my camera died halfway through so I couldn't get all the pictures I wanted, but I did snag some from a co-worker to add to my collection on facebook. Some of my favorite pieces were Buddhist tapestries, templates, and icons. But my favorite piece, oddly enough, was an ancient Greek helmet that was given as a prize to a Korean competitor at the Olympic games a while back (at least I think that's what the caption meant). We spent about an hour walking around the museum and only managed to check out a floor and a half. Like I said, this place was enormous, from the entering walkway to the museum building itself. I would have to say that it dwarfs the art museums on the D.C. Mall. I intend to go back to further check out this part of the museum, as well as to explore the new exhibit that I mentioned earlier.

Then, on Sunday, I took another trip into Seoul with my co-worker Nick and we walked up and down a street called Insadong-gil. At first, we weren't sure where it was, but it turns out we had both walked along it before during the orientation. We asked a lady in the YBM head office, which was right across the street, where it was, and she shyly and haltingly told us to cross the street and go straight. We spent about two hours or so meandering along the street, interrupted by a nice lunch break at an Indian cafe, and I bought a few things while poor Nick (no pun intended), who hasn't been payed yet, only browsed and commented on how much he would like to buy all this stuff. 'This stuff' consists of lots of street vendor and sidewalk stands hawking cool made in Korea trinkets, clothing, and other odds and ends. There were also countless stores lining the streets selling more of the same, though some of them were really fancy and had cool expensive things that rich people decorate their houses with. There were also numerous restaurants, from foreign stuff (like the Indian cafe) to fancy Korean sit-on-the floor style places. I wish I had gotten more pictures of this place (the two I have are on facebook) and the goods that were being sold, but I don't. I'll go back soon and get more.

Also while in Seoul this time, we went to a park called Pagoda Park, which is a really nice little place that is a favorite hang out of old men. It is quiet and really peaceful there, and it houses the second National Treasure of Korea, which is a big (12 meters tall) stone pagoda. Pictures of the park are also on facebook.

And that was my weekend! Quite an adventure. I'm really glad that I finally started getting out and doing things on the weekends. I plan on spending much more time in Seoul; there are still several areas where everyone at work talks about that I have yet to explore. I'll be taking holiday in Japan this Christmas, and I'm sure I'll have another blog to post when I get back from that. Until then, adios.

I've got the Itis! BRONCHitis!

Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Korea. Sort of. If you have been paying attention to previous entries, you may remember that I have been talking about being sick, ohhh.... since I got here. Well, those of you who know me well know that I refuse to take medicine, or go to the doctor, or really do anything towards my well being in these situations. True to form, I delayed getting help in lieu of my tried and true method of drinking lots of orange juice and spitting all day long. It almost worked. Actually, it didn't work at all. As I got progressively sicker, I began to fear I had the dreaded meningitis (sp?), but I was assured that if that were the case, I would already be dead. Those fears laid to rest, I continued to avoid medical assistance for another week, until finally I caved and took the advice of my co-teachers to go see a doctor.

So to the doctor's office I finally went, following the directions of my esteemed colleagues. As it turns out, I followed their directions to the right building, but the wrong office. I ended up in an Oriental / Herbal medicine clinic, and, thinking that I was in the right office, I stayed and recieved treatment. This treatment consisted of this so called doctor asking me what my problem was (he spoke fine English), to which I replied by listing my ailments. After hearing me out, he proceeded to take my pulse in both wrists, and asked me to stick out my tongue. Satisfied with his examination, he had his assistants provide me with "the appropriate" medicine, and I was off. It took about 20 minutes, and cost 20,000 Won, or about $15. Now I was pretty happy about this at the time, but I soon changed my mind. The medicine I recieved was, obviously, wholistic (as opposed to lots of pills), and consisted of 6 pouches of the most putrid smelling and foul tasting liquid one would ever hope not to drink. But drink it I did, six times, and so awful was it that I wretched it up shortly after twice. And alas, after all this pain and suffering, it did nothing to cure my ailments.

So I tried again, this time being escorted to the real doctor's office by my lovely boss Veronica, where I was a large white man in a room full of babies, toddlers, mothers, and grandmothers. It was a pediatricians office... I felt quite comfortable, aside from being miserably sick. At least I felt better than one little boy, who vomited into his mother's hand, and eventually on the floor, as he waited to be seen. He seemed much better afterward, quite a trooper by my count. So long story short here, this doctor did a proper temperature, stethescope, and throat check, and determined that I had bronchitis. She prescribed a shit load of pills and told me to come back on Thursday. This whole trip took about 45 minutes (the place was real crowded) and cost just over 5,000 Won, or about $3.50.

I am currently feeling much better, and it looks like I'll be at full capacity (for the first time since I've been here) by Thursday. My biggest regret in the whole month-long sickness and getting better: not waiting 4 weeks; not going to the wrong doctor first (though that does stink); but having to drink that awful herbal shit, and to no avail. If you ever come to Korea, bring you own cough medicine, and DO NOT try theirs (I bought some at a store hoping for something different from the herbalist, it was the same). I promise you it is unpleasant, and no matter how much you want to try the local things, this is not something you should do.

More to come after my next trip to Seoul.

Sleeping on the Job

Hey folks, sorry it took a while to post something, I know many of you have been very upset without your daily dose of Dan. The truth is, though, that I don't have much to say. For fear of posting some garbage blog (which to me seems unforgivable, what with my views on blogging in general), I have been waiting for the inspiration to find me before putting type to internet. Perhaps I should go seeking inspiration instead. Unfortunately, I'm generally pretty exhausted from being on my feet so much, and I've had a sore throat since I got here from talking all day. Not to worry though, I'm getting used to the job and I'm quite comfortable all in all.

A couple bits of news though, I am no longer the new guy. A new teacher just got into town on Friday night and the guy he's replacing and I took him out for some beers already. He seems real cool and I'm glad to have another new guy in the office. I believe we will make fine friends.

The only other thing to report is that I just hosted a dinner party last night with all the foreign teachers. It was quite pleasant, if not a bit cramped; comfortably seating seven people is asking a lot from any apartment in Korea. But we had a good time and I ate one of the best and most well rounded meals I've had since I got here.

So that's about all there is for now. Like I said, I've been sleeping on the job. I'm looking for some specific pictures to put up for a new segment in the sidebar, which I will be calling "It's Normal in Korea." Suffice to say, there are quite a few differences between the Western norms and the Korean ones.

Lastly, I would like to formally apologize to my good pal Brian Bass for so blatantly ripping off his style and neglecting to credit him for it. My bad. If you liked the style of my last entry, please check out Brian's blog at http://www.zisforzoo.blogspot.com/ , it is quite hilarious. Also, if you don't already know, check out what my brother Ben has been up to at http://www.benhasnojob.blogspot.com/.

That's all for now. More and better posts to come, I promise, as soon as I find Ms. Inspiration.