25 Things About Buddha

In light of the recent facebook phenomenon, "25 of the most asinine things I can think of about myself right now," and inspired by my recent trip to kick-ass Bongeunsa Buddhist Temple, I have decided to compile a list of 25 fun facts about Buddha (in no particular order).

1. Buddha is approximately 70 feet tall. Despite his best efforts, he frequently crushes whole herds of cows when he walks.

2. Buddha graduated from UMD CP the same year as Jim Henson. One of them inspired the other one, but I can't be sure how it went down.

3. It is said that even Buddha gets angry if you offend him three times. Actually, he gets pissed after the first time, he just has excellent self control.

4. Buddha has no problems with people making images in his likeness. Though he would like to point out that he has never been as fat as some people depict him.

5. Elephant is Buddha's only means of conveyance (other than walking).

6. Buddha's hobbies include meditating, gardening, and stacking rocks.

7. Buddha is often accompanied by an entourage of lions and dragons. He is also fond of songbirds and most sea creatures.

8. Buddha once drank Jesus under the table in what has been described by eye-witnesses as "The bitchinest party of pre-history." The result, as we all know, is the story of Noah's Ark.

9. Nobody has ever killed anyone in Buddha's name.

10. Buddha can't help but break into song and dance whenever he hears the word 'nobody.' He loves the Wonder Girls. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRBagIPwU8g

11. Buddha excels at soccer, rugby, and cricket, but his real talent lies in badminton. He won gold medals in the first Olympic games in Greece in both the individual and doubles events, where he was partnered with Sweden's legendary Björn Jørgensen.

12. Buddha is a bona-fide member of the Wu-Tang clan and has been featured on several of their albums.

13. Buddha doesn't need natural male enhancement products. But he uses them anyway.

14. Buddha tried marijuana once when he discovered that if you re-arranged the letters in his name, you can spell "had bud." He claims it didn't work.

15. During World War II, Buddha served with distinction as a medic in the Pacific theater, one time rescuing 147 Marines from a locked latrine.

16. Buddha can transmogrify into anything he wants, without even using a cardboard box.

17. Buddha once defeated Deep Blue in a chess match. He then proceeded to best a whole class of first graders in checkers.

18. 'Stop, drop, and roll' was Buddha's idea.

19. Elvis Presley played at Buddha's Bar Mitzvah.

20. "Evil Dead 2" is Buddha's favorite movie.

21. One time Buddha broke his arm in a nasty ski accident. He still hates snow to this day.

22. Buddha is prepared for a zombie invasion.

23. Buddha can complete all four stages of the 'Ninja Warrior' course in under 5 minutes.

24. Buddha is an atheist.

25. Everyone who knows Buddha thinks he is a real stand up guy.

Black History Month Comes to Korea

It's my favorite time of year! The time when schools inexplicably halt normal lessons in order to give a brief recap of slavery as if it were a completely isolated event.

"Hey, let's cram as much history about black people into this month as possible so that we can forget about them for the rest of the year."
~The Man.

So in order to celebrate the black man and bring his culture to Korea, my friend and esteemed co-worker Andrew and I have decided to do as much steroetypically 'black' stuff as possible. This will include starting each day with a healthy dose of 'purple drank,' most likely a grape soda. A weekly to bi-weekly consumption of fried chicken and (the closest thing we can find to 40's) 1.5 liter beers will be the main event of our celebration, capped off with Andrew's decision to switch to Marlboro Menthols from Lights. Furthermore, to ensure the authenticity of our celebration, we plan on hoodwinking our P.C. co-worker Nick into joining us at least once, in order to be the 'appalled white guy.' I think we have all our bases covered, but any suggestions would be helpful.

"And now for something completely different."
~Monty Python

So as some of you may know, the lunar new year just passed. We had a 4 day weekend and boy have I been busy. I went exploring / shopping for three of those days to places called Osan, Dongdaemun, and Insadong. Osan was a trash heap; it was basically a town built around the Army base there, so everything was Americanized. It didn't help that the place was covered in dirty snow. Points of interest; Andrew bought a guitar, and a prostitute tried to pick us up. I laughed and laughed.

Dongdaemun has like 6 huge department stores that all sell the same things and have really aggressive shop owners who won't let you walk by without hassling you and then knocking off 20,000 won for anything you show interest in. It's a cool place, many of you will recieve gifts from there. But only I will be getting the best part - corndogs with french fries battered and fried right onto the stick. Mmmmm mmm. Actually, they're kinda gross, but I had to try it.
And in Insadong, which I have mentioned before, I got to have batting practice in the snow! There is an outdoor batting cage, and pretty much as soon as I stepped up to the plate the snow really started coming down. It was awesome. I may have a picture somewhere, I'll put it on facebook.

I guess that's about it. Winter intensives are almost over so hopefully my schedule will get a bit easier.

"Hey... Wanna go?"
~Osan prostitute