In light of the recent facebook phenomenon, "25 of the most asinine things I can think of about myself right now," and inspired by my recent trip to kick-ass Bongeunsa Buddhist Temple, I have decided to compile a list of 25 fun facts about Buddha (in no particular order).
1. Buddha is approximately 70 feet tall. Despite his best efforts, he frequently crushes whole herds of cows when he walks.
2. Buddha graduated from UMD CP the same year as Jim Henson. One of them inspired the other one, but I can't be sure how it went down.
3. It is said that even Buddha gets angry if you offend him three times. Actually, he gets pissed after the first time, he just has excellent self control.
4. Buddha has no problems with people making images in his likeness. Though he would like to point out that he has never been as fat as some people depict him.
6. Buddha's hobbies include meditating, gardening, and stacking rocks.
7. Buddha is often accompanied by an entourage of lions and dragons. He is also fond of songbirds and most sea creatures.
8. Buddha once drank Jesus under the table in what has been described by eye-witnesses as "The bitchinest party of pre-history." The result, as we all know, is the story of Noah's Ark.
9. Nobody has ever killed anyone in Buddha's name.
10. Buddha can't help but break into song and dance whenever he hears the word 'nobody.' He loves the Wonder Girls. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRBagIPwU8g
11. Buddha excels at soccer, rugby, and cricket, but his real talent lies in badminton. He won gold medals in the first Olympic games in Greece in both the individual and doubles events, where he was partnered with Sweden's legendary Björn Jørgensen.
12. Buddha is a bona-fide member of the Wu-Tang clan and has been featured on several of their albums.
13. Buddha doesn't need natural male enhancement products. But he uses them anyway.
14. Buddha tried marijuana once when he discovered that if you re-arranged the letters in his name, you can spell "had bud." He claims it didn't work.
15. During World War II, Buddha served with distinction as a medic in the Pacific theater, one time rescuing 147 Marines from a locked latrine.
16. Buddha can transmogrify into anything he wants, without even using a cardboard box.
17. Buddha once defeated Deep Blue in a chess match. He then proceeded to best a whole class of first graders in checkers.
18. 'Stop, drop, and roll' was Buddha's idea.
19. Elvis Presley played at Buddha's Bar Mitzvah.
20. "Evil Dead 2" is Buddha's favorite movie.
21. One time Buddha broke his arm in a nasty ski accident. He still hates snow to this day.
22. Buddha is prepared for a zombie invasion.
23. Buddha can complete all four stages of the 'Ninja Warrior' course in under 5 minutes.
24. Buddha is an atheist.
25. Everyone who knows Buddha thinks he is a real stand up guy.
3 comments:
hey mr. dan,
i love reading your posts! i am glad to hear things are going well.
love j
Ditto. Thanks for the belly laughs. You are a pretty funny guy!
if you rearrange your list a certain way, you will find that each item is funnier than the last, yet even the first item in the list is hilarious. did that take you forever to write, or are you just a genius? each of the items is so totally different from the other ones. i'm very impressed.
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