"I kept telling 'em, the kid is not my son."-Dan Vaeth-Levin
Seoul, South Korea - Teacher Dan Vaeth-Levin, 23, of Baltimore, Maryland, was cleared of all charges yesterday when DNA tests came back negative for all eight paternity suits filed against him. After nearly three weeks of accusations and investigation, Mr. Vaeth-Levin can finally stop worrying about these troubling charges. Accusations against the young man, who recently accepted a job as a Foreign Language Teacher with the company YBM ECC in Korea, came mere hours after his arrival in the country. Upon first entering the school premises, Mr. Vaeth-Levin was targeted by no fewer than eight women, all desperate single mothers of his soon-to-be students, who claimed that he was the father of their respective children. It is speculated that the women were immediately smitten with the new teacher's dazzling blue eyes and handsome Anglo-American features. Several of the women did in fact admit that this was the case, adding that they were also desirous of the potential to gain American citizenship.
Mr. Vaeth-Levin's relief was palpable as the judge read the verdict yesterday, and when reached for comment he had this to say, "I'd be glad to console those poor women, but I kept telling 'em, the kid is not my son." With his name cleared, the young teacher has said that he plans to "get on with [his] teaching career" and attempt to settle into his new life in Korea. He did not specify how he intended to 'settle in,' but alluded to having recently been informed of a soccer club consisting of primarily foreign teachers, and having discovered a nearby movie theater and sports bar. It is also believed that he is in fact in the market for a girlfriend, but that after this scare, he has no intention of fathering any children.
-Judy Wells, Fox News.
9 comments:
This is great Dan. So glad you were cleared. Uh, one question from us though...what the heck happened to your hair?
hehe, had to cut if off, look professional and such. i was very sad about it, and i dont plan on getting it cut all year.
first you steal my template, then my whole style of blogging. Poor.
I laughed all the way through this. How in the hell did you and your brother get to be such good and creative writers? Shades of daddy over and over again. Wonderful!
I hope Ms. Wells keeps us informed of all of your korea activities. Well done Ms. Wells.
Sounds like things are going well. Keep blogging and keep those pictures coming.
are you sure those are not your kids? you all have the same hair cut!
I was directed to this site by a platinum haired whore I ran into at a dive bar on Ritchie Highway. She was dead drunk and mumbling something about her g-string being riddled with ritalin. I asked her to "Please stop touching me." She then grabbed a napkin from the bar, blew her nose, and handed me the napkin with this blog address strewn about chunks of her bugers. It reminded me of similar experiences with similar platinum haired whores at similar dive bars located on roads similar to Ritchie Highway.
i like it bro and im glad to hear youre not suddenly challenging shawn kemp (the former seattle sonic if you missed the reference) in a who can pile up more illegitimate kids contest cause hes got a head start of like 11 or some sh!t
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