"I kept telling 'em, the kid is not my son."-Dan Vaeth-Levin
Seoul, South Korea - Teacher Dan Vaeth-Levin, 23, of Baltimore, Maryland, was cleared of all charges yesterday when DNA tests came back negative for all eight paternity suits filed against him. After nearly three weeks of accusations and investigation, Mr. Vaeth-Levin can finally stop worrying about these troubling charges. Accusations against the young man, who recently accepted a job as a Foreign Language Teacher with the company YBM ECC in Korea, came mere hours after his arrival in the country. Upon first entering the school premises, Mr. Vaeth-Levin was targeted by no fewer than eight women, all desperate single mothers of his soon-to-be students, who claimed that he was the father of their respective children. It is speculated that the women were immediately smitten with the new teacher's dazzling blue eyes and handsome Anglo-American features. Several of the women did in fact admit that this was the case, adding that they were also desirous of the potential to gain American citizenship.
Mr. Vaeth-Levin's relief was palpable as the judge read the verdict yesterday, and when reached for comment he had this to say, "I'd be glad to console those poor women, but I kept telling 'em, the kid is not my son." With his name cleared, the young teacher has said that he plans to "get on with [his] teaching career" and attempt to settle into his new life in Korea. He did not specify how he intended to 'settle in,' but alluded to having recently been informed of a soccer club consisting of primarily foreign teachers, and having discovered a nearby movie theater and sports bar. It is also believed that he is in fact in the market for a girlfriend, but that after this scare, he has no intention of fathering any children.
-Judy Wells, Fox News.
